The Outing of Her Awesomeness, HRH Raisin (aka Charmaine Resandt)

I am convinced that somewhere in the many incarnations I've embodied in one of my former lives I must have been a queen, or at best of some royal descent.  What other explanation is there for the blue blood that courses through my veins?  This is so contrary to what I've been told by family, friends, doctors, even my fellow softball mates when I've been injured or needed surgery at some or other time.  All these people have tried to convince me that my blood is an ordinary red; like the rest of the world out there.  Crazy, I say.  What are they missing?

Why is it so difficult for them not to see that my regal carriage is a dead give away.  And that royal wave that comes so naturally.  Maybe it's because despite my royal heritage and ethereal disposition, I am able to mix with the common folk with relative ease.  For I don't look down on them with disdain.  Hell no - rather, my effervescent (some say crazy) nature is drawn to people like a moth to a flame and it appears to be completely mutual. What can I say, I am after all Her Awesomeness.  I am intrigued by the quagmire of characters that have crossed my path.  I have learned so much about people, what makes them tick, the kindness and depths of the human spirit, the meanness of some, the inspirational acts of others.  Oh, I could go on and on.  For this is what fascinates me most - people!  It is for this reason that I have explored human sciences and gravitated towards my particular area of study , i.e. Public Relations.  And my royalty does so help in crafting communications and programmes for the many clients I see myself having.  For only one whose royal aura shines as bright, would be able to position others in an equally spectacular light. 

I believe in goodness, in living life to the fullest, of not sweating the small stuff, in reaching the full potential I am meant to, in living my life in honesty and with integrity, in respecting my fellow beings, in being the facilitator of not only my own happiness but those who matter to me as well.  I believe that I can make a difference.  I believe that my family is very important and come before all else.  I believe in my God and am respectful of the deity others worship, albeit how different from my own.  I believe that without my friends I would not have as meaningful a life. I believe that softball is probably the greatest game that has ever been played.  I believe that I will always have strong opinions about things that matter to me.  I believe it is important to have a voice and to use it to good effect. I believe that where there is injustice it is imperative to take up the cudgel and fight the good fight. I believe that a sense of humour is key to overcoming anything that life may throw your way.

As for how I am seen by others, I say again - "What part of my tiara bling and royal bearing makes you think that I am anything other than Her Royal Awesomeness?"

Not all who wander are lost.

Indeed not.  I am one who wanders and am definitely not lost!  I often find myself sitting in boring meetings and my mind goes on the most amazing celestial trip while the rest of the grey suits stay behind, jabbering away about matters that I have not the slightest interest in.  Sometimes I am rudely interrupted by the grey suits who seem to have the knack of drawing me back when I least want. 

Then there's the wanderlust that takes hold from time to time.  The need to get away and travel to foreign shores.  To explore new continents, new places, new cultures, new cuisines, new people. 

To wander from job to job when the time feels right to find the fit for another level of expresssion.  When you know that you've reached the glass ceiling in a given concern. That with out a doubt there will never be room to expand and develop were you to stay.  It is in venturing into the unknown and harnessing the lessons learned in each new part of life's journey that we grow as individuals.

To wander from a relationship that may have run its course.  In making the decision to move on when you know there is no further value to be had in languishing in the seemingly futile.  That is not being lost.  No, that is knowing what is right for you.  That is having a purpose and a certainty that life is a series of journies; each with a subway of its own that courses along to the next station.  To wander is not about getting lost, it's knowing when the next part of that journey should commence and moving along to the intended destination.

How do you step from the top of a 100-foot pole?

With its base in a koan in Zen the question, "how do you step from the top of a 100 foot pole" seems to suggest that our lives are filled with uncertainty where abundant questions and the need for decisions constantly lurk.  In taking a step forward into that abyss of uncertainty, by making a decision and following forth with the accompanying action - there is the enlightenment that follows.  I guess that is what life is about.  Overcoming the fear of uncertainty, making decisions and putting into action what needs to be done.  We have come to understand that for resolution to be sought, decisions are necessary and so are their subsequent actions.  It is in indecision and inaction that we stagnate.  'Sitting on the fence' so to speak and not taking that vital step forward. For in holding yourself back there is inevitably the sense of inertia that takes hold - where growth or development fail to flourish.  We are then in effect just a body of cells on the top of a 100-foot pole, with no rhyme or reason.

Good or bad, decisions need to be made about almost every aspect of our lives. Knowing that every decision and action has consequences propels us to make them and assume responsibility for their outcome.  Even when bad, a positive action can follow to remedy the bad choice.  We become elated when good decisions reap the positive results envisaged.  Decisions, decisions, decisions.  The leap from that 100-foot pole, that's what it's about.  It's what gives us a sense of purpose.

We are what we do.

The famous Greek philosopher, Aristotle's said:  "We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."  So, it can be said that our actions are the sum of our whole.  I would think then that every action has a consequence.  Everything thing we do, would invariably lead to defining us in terms of character and our person.  Our lives are governed by decisions, some of which will be implemented by our own choosing; others steered by those who may yield the power to do so. 

As a parent I have found that more often than not the decisions and actions I take have formed the opinion of my children.  The way they see me is based on a stance I've taken, a principle or moral I've upheld, the fun and spontaneous moments adding yet more facets to my role as mom.

The wife I am and the manner in which I conduct myself in that sense has shaped the relationship I have with my husband.  He knows me to be quirky, loving, romantic, quick to temper but quicker yet to forgive.  That he honours, loves, respects me is because I am all of those characteristics and then some.

As a softball player my character has been shaped that much more.  For the code of sport that softball embodies demands integrity, honour, dignity, sportsmanship, commitment and loyalty of its players.  All of which I subscribe to.  All of which is what I do. All of which makes me Me.

We are afraid of the wrong things.

I have made it my life's mission to rid myself of at least one fear that has held me captive for longer than it deserved.  Bet it one fear a day, a month, a year, a lifetime.  There is no time limit.  For once I have identified the fear it is then possible to meet it head on and kiss its obnoxious and most unwelcome derriere goodbye. 

What then have been the fears to occupy their uninvited guest spots in my glorious life?  Oh, there've been many.  I feared what people would think when I fell pregnant at the tender age of 16 and eventually gave birth to my son soon after my 17th birthday.  I feared the very idea of being a mom.  I feared that all my inabilities and inexperience would show me up for the inadequate mother I was so sure I was then.  I feared what would become of my son knowing that I had not completed my matric and was therefore not able to secure a job of note to support him.  I feared that his dad would drop us.  Gosh I feared so much at that very uncertain time in my life; all of it wrong as none of my fears were realised.

But did that stop any more fears from forming as the years went by?  Hell no!  No sooner had I put one to bed when the next one took its place.  What does that say of me?  Am I governed by fear?  I don't think so.  However, by turning so many on their heads makes me understand that was once a fear could also become the root of a goal.  The fear spurring me on to achieve the goal so that I do not fail either myself or those I hold in high regard.  Make any sense?  Well, to me it does. 

Another fear was that I would never matriculate, go on to higher education - yet I've done that and continue to do so.  Get it now?  My fear was never realised as it became the motivating factor in achieving the goal of getting my National Diploma PR for instance.  And the fear that I would not be able to cope with all five subjects in one year in the quest to obtaining a B.Tech PR.  There again, the wrong fear.  I may not be doing spectacularly but I am coping.  Sometimes just barely, but I'm hanging in there for all that its worth.

So to all those fears that have come and gone:  "Good ridance, but thanks for the time I had with you as it wasn't all bad."  For those that I will no doubt still encounter, "Bring it on - you'll soon be joining the rest of your predecessors anyway!"

Now is the Winter of my Discontent

Having just come through a gruelling season with my present softball club, culminated by the Club's annual awards ceremony on Friday 1 April 2011, there is much to be said for this proverbial cherry on top of a rather tarnished cake.  I've played softball for almost all of my life and have a passion for the game that rivals none.  I cherish the wonderful relationships I've formed with fellow team mates and coaches of the various clubs I've played for along the way - some of which have prevailed and are still amongst my close network of friends.  However, and more tellingly, in recent time there have also been incidents where some rather insidious individuals have used the sport to promote their somewhat distardly agendas.  Never before, and certainly not in one playing season, have I seen so much low and vile behaviour displayed by so many.  So disheartening as it contradicts the code of honour that the sport upholds.  These incidents have nontheless served as lessons, as harsh and testing as they may have been.

But here we are at the end of this season. I feel sad in a way since I will be saying goodbye to a club in which I've invested so much of my time and energy and one that I felt so much pride in until recently.  Given the not-too-pleasant turn of events and behaviour described before, it has however meant that decisions needed to be made.  After much deliberation, I know now that it is time to turn the page and put an end to this chapter of my softball journey.  And I am at peace with that.

For I have found a new purpose - the formation and development of a new softball club.  I have a great bunch of equally softball-crazy ladies who will form the core group of this new venture.  A mighty venture, so the name of Titans is more than apt.  I can't wait to take the field in the new club's colours - GO TITANS!