To dance with my father again...

Close to seven years ago I lost my mom to the 'Big C' - that awful invasive disease that breaths horror and dread in those who've had the misfortune to encounter it. My mom and I did not always have the easiest of relationships but I knew that there was a deep mutual love, so I counted myself as luckier than very many who were not blessed in that way. 'Marlena-the-evil-one' she was dubbed and yes she had the propensity to live up to the name at times. However that title does not begin to sum up the feisty, strongwilled, intriguing woman that I knew simply as 'mom'. She remained a bit of an enigma to me right until the time of her death. I never ever really worked out what made her tick or do the half of what she did. But what I can say is that if the choice were mine and there were a sea of moms that I could pick and choose from, she'd be my first and only choice. A phenomenal person if ever there was one, that was my mom. A legend in her time. So it goes without saying that as the 11th of October, her birthday, draws near each year I am filled with a quagmire of emotions.

What is even more significant about this date however is that as ironies would have it my father, who despite his many failings I absolutely adored, succumbed to cancer on the 11th of October two years back. Where the intense sadness comes in is that my parents shared a great love, but it was one that did not translate to absolute fulfillment during their time here on earth. My dad's philandering set him off on a path away from my mom and us kids, 25 years into the marriage. Something he came to regret and expressed as much years later. By that time though it was too late for reasons beyond their control for my parents to reconcile and take the still deep love they felt for each other to a place they would have preferred.

Given the history, the 11th of October has so many bittersweet emotions attached to it. I celebrate my mom's life on the day as its her birthday, but I mourn the man who was my dad on the anniversary of his passing. I think of all that was and what could have been. I think of two beautiful souls who did not fulfill their great love, but more importantly I think that maybe now my mom is finally looking into her beau's eyes with that absolute love that she held exclusively for her Wally and I hope that she is dancing with my father again. And maybe, just maybe the 11th of October will in time resonate less sadness and more joy of a time when my parents were testimony to how amazing a shared love can be and a time when they were my world.